Expat Life: Why I chose to give birth in Turkey

Finding out that I was pregnant came as a complete surprise, my husband actually found out before I did, but that’s a whole other story. As soon as we started to share the news came all the advice and questions, would I have a natural birth? Would I use a doula? Would I go home or would I give birth in Turkey? Would my husband be in the room with us? The questions and advice was never ending, even from strangers on the dolmuş. Of course I’d go back home to the USA to give birth. Of course my mom and my family all expected me to come home. My in laws didn’t say much, but I’m sure were terrified that I would go home and that this would be the start of losing their family. Several of their friends have foreign brides in their family, most have taken their sons back to their home country, especially as the children arrive. Even strangers would look at me strangely if I said I didn’t think I’d go to the USA to give birth, I was American, why wouldn’t I go there when so many others would dream of giving birth there? That’s the catch though, I’m an American, my daughter, regardless of where she is born, she will be an American and hold an American passport as well as a certificate of birth abroad. So what would giving birth in Turkey mean for my daughter as a detriment? The only right she would be denied by not being born in the USA is that she could not become President of the United States of America, unless there is some change to the laws by the time she becomes an adult. While I’d like to be able to tell her that she could grow up to be anything, giving birth in Turkey meant telling her anything but becoming President.

Our health insurance would still cover the expenses of giving birth in the USA, but if there were complications the limit would go much further in Turkey than in the USA. There are stories of babies ending up in NICU and families leaving $100,000 in debt, this isn’t exactly the kind of situation our family would like to find ourselves in order to preserve our daughter’s chance of presidency.

We looked into flight information, Turkish airlines regulations allow women between 28-35 weeks to fly provided they have a health document from their doctor. After the thirty fifth week, no flying. To be on the safe side I’d need to fly out by week 34, and if all went “as scheduled” (which is a joke when planning a natural birth), I’d spend six weeks at home before giving birth and then 4 weeks with our daughter before flying home to Istanbul with our baby. My husband would have a week of paternity leave and we were lucky that Bayram was just around the corner, so feasibly my husband could come to the USA for four to five weeks, but the first five weeks I’d be on my own with my family. Not exactly ideal. Additionally, I’d need to stay with my mom for these two months, becoming a mom for the first time and living with my mom and stepfather is not exactly a dream scenario. I wanted these first special days and weeks to be spent with my husband and child while we figure out this parenting gig. There was also the risk that my husband would plan his leave for our daughter to be born on time, but she could come early and then he would miss the birth entirely, conversely, if he came early she could come late and then he’d meet her and have to leave her to get back to work after weeks away leaving me to follow alone weeks later.

All of these situations felt wrong, we could find a lovely doctor and hospital here, we could spend every day together and bring our daughter to our home, the apartment in Bostancı with the room I would spend hours painting and decorating during the nesting phase. This was the decision that felt immensely peaceful. We had to tell our family our birth plan, meaning limiting hospital visitors, stressful, but manageable. The cesarean birth rates in Turkey are quite high, you can certainly opt for a c-section at 38 weeks for no medical reason other than you’re sick of walking around like a whale with no sleep. This meant searching for a doctor who not only agreed to a natural birth plan, but also truly believed and embodied this path of birth.

After changing doctors at week 30, I had finally found Dr. Gülnihal Bülbül, a lovely doctor on the Asian side who speaks English and actually wrote a book on natural birth (Doğal Doğum). My first visit with her was tough, she talked to me about the importance of diet and exercise during my pregnancy, that I would need my strength for labor and that there was work for me to do in order to prepare my body for birth. This is her passion, and she wants to see you succeed if this is your goal. After that first appointment I knew she was my doctor, but I was also terrified as my previous doctor was extremely soft and gentle, never mentioned diet or exercise, said I was on track and doing well, so this felt like a stark contrast. Of course, I switched doctors because I learned that she really had no problem switching me to cesarean for many reasons and I didn’t want to be another one of those stories, “I wanted a natural birth, but my baby didn’t turn, or my baby was too big, or there was some last second complication…” So many tales of caution are out there for the moms who truly want to avoid a cesarean.

In the following appointments I came to see the softer side of Dr. Bülbül, she saw me cry and saw my anxiety as a first time mom alone in a foreign country. My daughter was still breach and the words of my first doctor echoed in my head, “if she hasn’t turned by 38 weeks we will immediately schedule you to have her taken out”, this is also when we decided we needed a new doctor. Dr. Bülbül gave me a hug, she gave me confidence and encouragement. She told me that this is what my body was made for and that it was successfully creating a beautiful little person and to relax and trust the process more. She recommended a doula for me to contact, who also spoke English and had a very calming presence, does hypnobirthing as well as pre and post natal yoga. I scheduled a meeting with Ayca of Annezen and found her to be another gem who I believe contributed immensely to my birth plan. Together we did some yoga exercises, a hypnobirthing meditation and relaxation techniques. She even gave me a moxa stick to take home and burn near my baby toe, a Chinese medicine technique.

Ayca advised me to look into the “turning babies” website for exercises to do at home to encourage our daughter to turn. I have no idea which or what combination was successful, but at week 39, my little girl had turned and we all celebrated this great joy, we were back on track! During this appointment, my doctor also gave us a warning that she didn’t like our birth hospital anymore. She had done several births there recently and they turned into c-sections at the last minute. They were no longer allowing women to labor in their room, but taking them down to the basement level to labor. The change of environment affected the woman’s labor, sometimes stopped the process at which point the hospital was steering the women into cesareans. She felt that several births were going lovely then stalled and she didn’t want that to happen to us. She recommended us to take a look at Kadıköy Şifa. Since we were past 38 weeks and in the “any day now” phase we immediately went to the hospital and took the tour. I saw a beautiful room that resembled a hotel room, pictures on the wall and a gorgeous sea view, I knew this is where I would bring my daughter into the world.

After 41 weeks Ayla finally made her way into the world at 6:43pm, just as the sun was casting its golden glow across the sky. Later that evening, the three of us listened to the call to prayer signaling the commencement of iftar and enjoyed our first meal together as a family. My husband’s parents and sister popped in briefly that night and the following evening we went home to our apartment to start our new adventure in parenting. Our birth plan didn’t go entirely as we planned, but we gave birth to a healthy baby girl in a beautiful room with a sea view. I labored, delivered and rested all in the same room. Our daughter was measured and had her health checks in the room with us, only leaving once for a blood draw, my husband accompanied her while a nurse helped me into the shower. The staff was incredibly kind and caring. My husband was present for the entire process, including the birth, they made sure he had his iftar meal and prepared a bed for him at night. We really felt like we were staying in a hotel with exceptional service and are so grateful to have had this birth experience. Unfortunately, Kadıköy Şifa is no longer open, but an amazing doctor can support you and help with the entire process, ours found me an incredible doula and hospital that really made all of the difference.

Please share your birth experience in Turkey on the comments.