Christmas is famous for causing a spike in suicides for the depressed; this long-term single would be curious to see the stats on the negative impact of Valentine’s Day.
One heartening fact for the single on this most nauseating of days: when you are facing one with a beloved…YOU CAN’T WIN. Hyper-romance is par. If you aren’t knee-deep in rose petals, sawing through the trunk of a life-sized chocolate bear or watching a skywriter form the words of a Shakespearean sonnet, you can be pretty sure there will be a nasty cold front approaching.
So just enjoy the feeling. The pressure is off.
However, Istanbul is one of the worst places on the globe to be when St. Valentine comes calling with a dozen roses and novelty underwear. Turkish men tend to go hard when it comes to wowing a girl with romantic gestures, especially in the early days of the relationship.
Then there is the incredible scenery of the city. Sure, for the rest of the year it is your friend. But on Valentine’s Day, it turns on you like a rabid white bunny. The Bosphorus coast, the islands, Galata… These are all perfect backdrops for romantic walks, hand holding and stolen kisses under street lamps.
Obnoxiously, V Day falls on a Thursday this year. Braver souls might decide to head out and see if they can make some spontaneous love happen later that night. But to do this, you run the gauntlet of seeing happy couples descend on the city like Biblical locusts, or you end the night empty-handed and are forced to call your roommate and instruct him to hide the razor blades before you get home.
For some years it has been illegal to throw rocks at smug couples, so one answer to the question of “how do I avoid the horror of Tine’s Day?” is “Get the hell out”.
On Thursday afternoon, get in a car and GO. You are a single: time to embrace it. Lock and load your sound system with all the songs you love but others hate and drive east. Why east? Because you are less likely to find evidence of love and romance in the heart of conservative Anatolia.
My choice is to head for the wooded areas around Bolu. The drive is scenic and wild once you clear the blight of the Marmara Coast. You will feel as though you are on a grand adventure. The road is smooth and open, and considering it is winter, that makes the driving less lucky.
Just before you get to Bolu, take the sign to Abant Lake. Under no circumstances go to the lake itself. It will be lousy with couples, some of whom will be taking romantic carriage rides. Rather, find one of the many road-side hotels and hunker down for the night. One single room should set you back 100 TL.
Make sure you have some good novels and maybe a bottle of something to warm your toes at night.
On the Saturday, you are safe to return to Istanbul. But before you do, head to the huge farmer’s market in Bolu. Get the village bread – it weighs about 3kg – white village cheese and meat. Who needs love? You now have cheese and meat.
Valentine’s Day is obviously the most pernicious and revolting of all holidays. Those single know it; couples suspect it deep in their hearts, but are at the mercy of expectations, possibly implanted subliminally into their brains by Nestle and Hallmark. Istanbul makes it very hard to turn this day into a win, but with enough bitterness and ba-humbuggery, you too can avoid feeling extra awful this year.
Editor’s Note: This article was originally published in February, 2014. It is updated for relevance as of February, 2019.
[…] red roses, and, my memory tells me, stuffed animals dressed in red. In an article entitled, “Get the Hell Out of Dodge: Valentine’s Day for Singles” on yabangee.com, a site catering to expats living in Turkey and specifically in Istanbul, […]