Istanbul Porkquest 2014

There is a scientific theory that states: when three or more foreigners are in any room, their conversation will inevitably turn to Pork Sourcing. This time honoured tradition has its roots in distant Istanbul history, when Greeks and Armenians would get together and wonder where they could grab a quick pork gyro on the way home from a wine bar. Probably.

A word of warning: this might look like a Top Five List, but it is nothing of the sort. These are just five of the best ways to put pork inside your face, and a greasy smile on the outside.

Unter, Karaköy: The Pulled-Pork Sandwich

Karaköy. Unter. Pulled-pork. All these element are as trendy as a flamingo in a fedora, and if you haven’t rubbed up against at least two of these places/foods, you need to get the hell out of your cave. Unter’s pulled-pork is a rich and glossy former pig, cooked down and just fatty enough not to be fibrous. The home-made BBQ sauce is the right balance between tangy and sweet, and the thick-sliced toast bread has the brawn to hold it all together. Not a huge sandwich, but you should eat it slowly anyway. Scarfing it down would be an insult.

Upper Crust, Bebek: The Bebek Pizza

In a place that integrates bacon into the menu with a casual flourish, it is hard to pick the best porky pizza. One pizza that keeps showing up on our table is the Bebek Pizza. A white pizza, it makes the smoky flavour of the bacon sing with a thin layer of potato and cheese, with garlic and rosemary popping and fizzing as an undertone. They are plenty generous with the bacon strips, and you should manage to get a little bit in every mouthful.

Eataly, Gayrettepe: Cold Cut Meat Platters

Eataly, which occupies an entire wing of the Zorlu Centre in Gayrettepe, is a supermarket/food hall/delicatessen/bakery/ice creamery/cafe. Jack of all trades, master of none? By no means. This place is a game changer, but if you are still unconvinced, then allow me to usher you into the Pork Room. Ignore the prices: just enjoy the window shopping. Prosciutto is king, stacked in cold, shiny slabs. But don’t ignore the wide range of salamis, all pin-pricks of fat surrounding delicious cured meat. Then perch on a high stool and order one of the many platters. Even mortadella –Italy’s answer to devon/lunch meat- will make your toes curl.

Mangerie, Bebek: Eggs Benedict with Crispy Bacon or Prosciutto Crudo

Istanbul’s answer to a Sydney cafe –despite the fancy French name- serves up some primo pig. Their dinner pork sausage drifts in and out of the menu, and they have a range of outstanding toast options. But the image that propels us out of bed on a Sunday morning and into the inevitable queue at this Bebek staple is that of the Eggs Benedict. This can be a tricky dish and cafes have been judged, and often found wanting, based on the zest of their hollandaise, the ooziness of their yolks, or the proportion of the bread to egg ratio. Mengerie gets everything right on the Bennie Scale, but then nails you with a stack of bacon spread-eagling under the eggs. You won’t need salt, but you will need to slow that scoffing down.

Carluccio’s, Levent: Romana Pizza

Two pizzas on a Five Pork List, you admonish? Yes, that has been dropped. But to leave this particular pizza off the list would be disgraceful. Eataly may have changed the game, but when Carluccio’s arrived there was a collective “bellissima” shouted through the halls of Kanyon. They continue to serve pizza that could easily be ordered down a laneway in Sorrento. The Romana comes with a very generous ration of light, hammy Prosciutto cotto, twisted and bunched so you occasionally get a layered pork experience that is very reminiscent of what happens on the Peninsula. Compare that with the relative dryness that comes from laying the meat flat. Ask for extra artichoke hearts: you have just synthesised a capricciosa.

How do you get your pork fix in Istanbul, dear readers?

Timothy Mottram is a contributor to Yabangee and blogs at http://theistanbulletin.com/