The yabancı tries to keep a vigilant eye on the news, especially given the turbulent events of the past couple years here in the city by the Bosphorus. And it’s of vital importance to keep in close touch with local contacts.
With the New Year upon us, this may be a good time to look over some proposed legislative changes here in Turkey. With us to help understand and clarify these changes is Ziya Z., a former window dresser, and current director of the TurkeyNow! Project.
JT: Ziya, thank you for being on hand this morning.
ZZ: Thank you, James. Great to be here.
JT: Now, Ziya. As we discussed earlier, there are a lot of interesting proposals in front of Parliament this coming year. First up, though, we’d like to clear up some discrepancies, or misunderstandings. Yesterday on Facebook we saw an alarming post by a certain yabancı, who we won’t embarrass by calling him “James.” Let’s call him “Ceymez” instead. Now, it’s not true that as of the new year, all foreigner’s first names will be “Turkish-ized.” Right?
ZZ: Of course not. These message board rumors are merely the product of foreign paranoia. You’ve been in Turkey long enough to know, Ceymez. (Just kidding! slaps interviewer playfully).
JT: You bet. So how about this law proposing fines for ‘eating Iskender kebab like a foreigner.’ Could you take us through this one?
ZZ: Certainly. As I said, you have been in Turkey for a while now. As a yabancı yourself, James, you understand what this new law is driving at. Many foreigners of course love Turkish cuisine. Our kebab is justly famous. But how often do you see the tourists ordering and consuming our Iskender kebab, but really in the most ignorant and shameful fashion? For example, they’ll eat just the meat, but leave the soggy wet bread at the bottom virtually untouched! We have seen this far too many times. Or they’ll finish the kebab, but fail to properly praise its deliciousness by telling the waiter, “Ellerinize sağlık,” or “Health to your hands.” We just can’t have this, James.
JT: So what is the proposed penalty, if one is convicted of “eating Iskender kebab like a foreigner?”
ZZ: That part of it is still under discussion. A first-time offender may just be let off with a series of loud clicks of disapproval. Repeat offenders will be forced to dance the halay continuously for a period of one year.
JT: Isn’t that a bit harsh? I mean, many foreigners find dancing the halay to be akin to torture.
ZZ: Well, James, you know in Turkey we pride ourselves on our hospitality. We like to treat our guests well. But we expect a bit of courtesy in return. Which leads us to the next proposed law against using the word “Armenia” over dessert.
JT: Yes, this one’s a bit cloudy. Could you help clarify, Ziya?
ZZ: To be honest, I’m still trying to get my mind wrapped around it myself. But apparently in some quarters, there have been complaints of visitors getting into passionate discussions of the Armenian issue in the presence of baklava. Baklava, as you well know James, is one of our national desserts. Who cannot taste its sweet, syrupy flavor and not fail to be moved to ecstasy? If guests feel the need to raise the Armenian issue, they should at least have the consideration to hold their tongues until the coffee is served.
JT: And should this proposal pass, what penalties are we talking?
ZZ: Initially, the punishment was to be quite severe, given the sensitive nature of the issue. I mean, this is baklava we’re talking about. Not just your average torte or dulce. Lawmakers were considering a punishment of forcing such scofflaws to watch an entire season of Esra Erol’s dating show. But thankfully, cooler heads prevailed. We want our visitors to come back, of course. Turkey depends on tourism. So now they are thinking of just making them watch an episode or two.
JT: And what of this other proposed law, which calls for a ban on “whistling like a German” in public?
ZZ: (chuckles) I too have issues with this one, James. As you know, the Turkish and German governments have had problems of late. All this back-and-forth over the Syrian refugees, and visas, and the European Union question. I think, to be honest, this proposal is just a stick in the eye of Europe, a sort of show of defiance, if you will.
JT: Hmmm. I wasn’t aware that Germans were especially whistlers of note, or that there was anything particularly offensive in the manner of their whistling. Could you explain? How does one “whistle like a German” exactly?
ZZ: Good question. I myself have never heard a German whistle, so I’m not in a position to define it. But in the press a prominent Turkish official was said to have been going through the security checkpoint at the airport in Frankfurt. There was some problem concerning the official’s visa, and while they were arguing about it, he swears he heard in the background this whistling that sounded, to his ears, distinctly German. Naturally, the Turkish official was quite offended.
JT: He took it as an insult to Turkishness?
ZZ: Yes, precisely. We Turks are not really fond of whistling to begin with. We prefer humming, it’s much softer and nicer, wouldn’t you agree? As for German whistling – as I said I’ve never heard it, but I can imagine … I’m sure it is very efficient and disciplined whistling, but still – given the sensitive issues out there these days, one has to be on the lookout.
JT: So how would this new law work? I mean, how does one determine if the accused whistler had in fact harbored “superior” Teutonic intentions?
ZZ: That’s where the rubber meets the road, as you say in the West. I think the litmus test is based around the ability to prove that the accused whistler is familiar with the works of Wagner. But I doubt very much this proposal will gain any ground. Ultimately, as I said, it’s just Ankara’s way of wagging their fingers at Western hypocrisy.
JT: Hmm. Well, thanks so much for walking us through all these proposals, Ziya. It’s certainly given us a lot to think about.
ZZ: Always a pleasure, James. And let me take this opportunity to reach out to any visitors who may be reading this. Please to do not take offense at these proposed changes. As I said, we Turks are proud of our hospitality and culture. We like to take care of our visitors. We welcome more visitors in the New Year. But please remember to respect our culture at all times. You should not expect any less. How would you feel, for example, if I were to travel to New York and insist on having a taco at a baseball game when everyone else is eating hot dogs? Or if I were in Paris and wanted to discuss Camus before lunchtime? Really, there are such things as simple courtesy, simple respect for other people’s ways. That’s all these new legislative changes are really aimed at, folks. And if you have any questions, or need help with something, please stop by our TurkeyNow!offices at our new location in Şişli.
JT: Will do. Once again, Ziya Z, director of the TurkeyNow! Project, discussing some of the proposed legislative changes, and how they could affect foreigners in Turkey. And now moving on to other issues, a report from our very own Turgay B. on the long-term health issues raised by saying “Iyi gunler” while getting on and off elevators too many times in one day.
James Tressler is a writer and teacher living in Istanbul.
