A few days ago I was waiting for the bus in the ridiculously long line at Beşiktaş Square – some mornings the line turns around the whole square and forms surrealistic spirals – when a guy just cut a few places in front of me. That was followed by a general silence and a tacit acceptance of his outrageous behavior. Then, I surprised myself by telling him off. A half-voiced “Sıra var, abi” got out of my mouth. In an ideal world, I would swiftly admonish him and send him on his way to the back of the queue, to the crowd’s acclaim. Of course, in the reality of Istanbul, my weak complaint was received with some shy nods, and the guy still jumped the queue and got on the bus anyway.
At that very moment I had two choices –which crossed my mind like a cheap version of “Sliding doors.” I could either confront the guy and start a fight (and get my ass kicked, as he seemed the kind of “kıro” guy really up for a fight). Or I could come to Yabangee and rant about it in a passive-aggressive piece with futile results. I enjoy writing and I am chicken, so I chose the second option.
So, what more unhealthy way to transform my frustration and negativity than writing my own rules to queue in Istanbul? Because in Istanbul, everywhere is a queue: queuing is almost a way of life. I am aware that some of the behaviors I describe here are not at all exclusive to Istanbul. But after three years of admiring the curious human behavior behind the act of forming a line I decided it was time to leave proof of some of the ludicrous situations I’ve encountered. So here is the list of the rules of etiquette for queuing properly in Istanbul. And remember folks, this is just for giggles:
- If you are waiting in line to exit a ferryboat, it’s allowed to form a second line parallel to the main one to test if two people can fit at the same time through the tiny doorway.
- When standing in line to board the metro, you are encouraged to get on the train as soon as the doors open instead of letting passengers get out first, because this totally makes sense.
- If you are queuing to board a bus, it’s acceptable to align yourself next to the person in front of you, start talking loudly on your phone and sneak in first.
- Be aware that there is not just one queue to access the bus, but a range of them according to which side of the street from which people are approaching. Priority is assigned according to your level of strength to claw your way in.
- During the boarding of a transportation vehicle, if the person in front of you takes more than half a second to place their Istanbulkart on the electronic reader, it’s permissible to scan yours first and cut the line because God forbid you have some patience. Also, if the person in front of you has an insufficient amount on their card, please grumble loudly.
- While waiting in line at an ATM. it’s understandable that you leave no space between you and the person completing their transaction so you can properly check their financial status.
- When you have to wait in a traffic jam, the general rule is whoever honks the most has priority.
- If you are elderly, especially a teyze, you can directly jump the queue. Then, when someone objects, you can act surprised and reason that you didn’t notice the long queue and/or you thought it was a different line. Next, display an adorably naive attitude, remain there and cut the line.
- When waiting for a taxi, it’s acceptable behavior to walk against the flow of traffic to gain a positional advantage, wave your hand at the oncoming taxi and proceed to skip the line.
- For every situation above, the general the rule is: Don’t be patient. Forget that everyone’s in the same boat and always display exasperation and aggressive behavior.
So what do you think dear readers? Did this list leave out some odd behavior? Share your funny stories in the comments.
I definitely do the akbil thing.
If you happen to see a foreigner, behave as you wish because said foreigner probably won’t be able to argue with you and will let you proceed unchallenged. If the foreigner does happen to speak Turkish and reacts to your impoliteness, act surprised and say, “Çok pardon.”
[…] and get tied off by a dockhand. Metal-railed gangplanks clang onto the dock and the passengers squeeze onto the ship looking like human grains passing through a […]
Also, while waiting in any line, one should make sure to get as close as one can to the person in front of them. You’re not waiting in a proper line unless you are literally breathing on someone’s neck and they can feel it. What’s personal space?
You forgot the nice ladies going straight in front of you to the register, supposedly to ask a question then taking their purse out to pay without a look back… Grrrrr
I am a great fan of passive-aggressive rants! This was a great one. I particularly liked number 6 and I think I am now old enough to use number 8 (thanks for the tip).
Great list and wonderful addendum by Danny Bosseler, below. LOL. *Dying*
So true! But I will be still a polite Brit! And why do I miss this beautiful city so much?
Haha been there done it seen it all during my years in Istanbul!
Hilarious 🙂
İf you want to turn left while driving on a main street, jump the queue and as soon as the traffic light turns green, make a left turn in front of all the waiting cars
I always have a lot of fun in making myself as big as possible when people want to enter the metro or alike and have them getting really nervous because they can’t run into the people trying t leave the train. Or just bumping into people that try entering the train while I am leaving the train. Aw their faces are brilliant 😀
You forgot the one where you are paying for your shopping and the person behind you comes into your space before you have paid the money. Therefor either trying to see you put your pin number in or just see how much you paid. There is no personal space here. It is amazing.
[…] To be fair, though, this animation raises a necessary criticism of all the people that don’t know how to properly queue in Istanbul. […]
[…] 7. Metrobus – This bus has its own private lane through the middle of traffic and will take you across the Bosphorus from the European to the Asian side and back again. Why then, you may ask, is this not a train line? I don’t have an answer for that, but good question! The Metrobus charges you depending on how far you take it (still very reasonable). Unlike San Francisco’s BART, which functions the same way and where one scans their card to pass through a turn-style getting on and off, the Metrobus puts the onus on the rider to get their refund. So, no waiting at the turn style on your way out, but don’t forget to scan! One note of caution – the line on the Metrobus can get a bit insane during rush hour. For more on that, check in with fellow Yanbagee, Santiago Brusadin, who wrote the very accurate, helpful and hilarious, “A Guide to Correctly Queuing in Istanbul“. […]
[…] are over 14 million people packed in the city, but that’s not really an excuse for bad behavior. The respect for cues is relative. It’s like there’s a Black Friday sale whenever you get on the ferry or bus. And what about […]
what about “I’ve already queued once and bought something so I am completely entitled (on my way put of the store) to pick up other merchandise and jettison right to the front of the queue.
The Cashier will take my exact money, write down the code (customer leaves at this point) AND CASHIER WILL THEN PROCEED TO MANUALLY TYPE IN THE TRANSACTION WHILST ALL THE OTHER CUSTOMERS ARE WAITING !! not me …I was really miffed at this point !!
Reading your article İ felt my blood boiling just as if İ was experiencing any of the above mentioned queueings right now sitting on my couch. 🙂
Good job! 🙂
You know, people don’t queue in London any more either. Like the dense fogs, it’s something that lives on in people’s memories of the past but has little to do with the present. Now you just group yourself around the bus stop until vehicle pulls up, then all push in together. Believe me, I’m a Londoner.
I find that standing between the opening doors of the metro and physically lifting the opposing person up, and placing them to one side, while staying perfectly silent, works well when you want to exit (bear in mind I am 6′ 2″, so there are not many threats to my height here). The last time I did it, I received a general “acknowledgement” of my efforts from a couple of other passengers!
Back in the day when I would argue upon exiting the metro, I encountered an elderly gentleman, shoving his way through “our” crowd. I, politely, asked him to wait (in my bestest Turkish) and he showed me a little band-aid on his finger “But I’m ILL” he barked at me as he attempted to push me out of the way.
So they’re you have it, a boo-boo on your pinkie gives you automatic rights to the front of the queue too! 🙂
I’ve only been here for a half a day and I experienced four of these.
I’m in Antakya and this is a thing here as well.
There will be a person in front of me. Just two people in line!
Then a dude and a different family just walk right infront of me. There must have been like half a meter between the two of us and he just went in the middle. I had to tap him on the shoulder and he got the message.