Right before Valentine’s Day, I published a piece here on Yabangee about my online-dating and winter-drinks-sampling adventures across Istanbul. (Un)surprisingly, I received a lot of responses from women here in the city detailing their own ridiculous experiences with OKCupid (though, why no one commented on their favorite drink spot is beyond me).
So, below I present you with “online dating and drinks in Istanbul” Part 2. (For Part 1, click here.)
A refresher–
The guys:
And the drinks:
Date 4: Sahlep @ Üsküdar Sahil with Kansas
Much like with Tutku, Kansas and I arranged to meet in Üsküdar for sahlep after only exchanging a few words online. And much like with Tutku, our date ended on a flat note — but this time it was because that’s how it excruciatingly began. Everything about this date was a failure. We were supposed to meet at the Marmaray (I was late and had accidentally given him the wrong number, he hadn’t given me his). We were supposed to share a steaming drink around our own personal fire pit past Kız Külesi on the Üsküdar Sahil (it was raining and the men with the fire-in-a-cans were nowhere to be seen). We were supposed to revel in the glory that is sahlep (we were served the most bland, boring cup of sweet milk at an oversized, expensive cafe that was the only building in sight). We were supposed to have stimulating conversation about our adventures as expats, him a Syrian, me an American (he told me he and his friends get into “crazy stuff” but when I asked for an example and he said he “couldn’t think of any.” I went on some idiotic rant about mittens). At the very least, we were supposed to make flirtatious eye contact across the table (he looked at his drink the whole time, except when he glanced up and caught me mid-yawn.) Bland, bland, blah, rainy.
The date: 2/5. So it wasn’t horrible. It was just really boring. This was the fault of both of us.
The spot: 5/5. FINE, so we didn’t actually make it to where I wanted to go (and where we ended up is not even worth naming), but I firmly believe that having a warm drink along the coast in front of your own little fire would make for the most delightful of dates. Walk along the sahil past Kız Külesi on a cool night and you’ll see what I’m talking about.
Other sahlep spots: Sultanahmet Square, Galata Tower Square, on the ferry
Date 5: Çay on the ferry with Ethan Hawke
I’ll admit, I was a tad excited for this date, because boy was super cute (hence the nickname Ethan Hawke), and we seemed to have a lot in common according to all our OKC “match” questions (he brushes his teeth twice a day, has a problem with racist jokes and knows the sun is bigger than the earth! Score!). But upon meeting, it was quickly evident that something was up with the dude. Our disjointed conversation was making me uncomfortable — he’d lose his train of thought mid-sentence, would jump from one topic to another one minute to the next and was staring intently. Besides the always-gorgeous Bosporus view, I never noticed that there are so many things to look at on the ferry to help you avoid eye contact… and I realized quickly that though a sunset ferry ride is awfully romantic, it’s also pretty awful as the scene for a first date. It would have been nice to snuggle up next to someone, taking shelter from the cold wind under a solid arm, watching the most classic of sunsets behind the Historic Peninsula with a steaming hot cup of Turkish tea. But though this was my fifth date in as many days, and though Ethan Hawke was eyeing me like I was Julie Delpy and we were traveling via train (he was moving away in a few days after all), I guess I’m kind of a prude. Ethan and I were heading to the Asian side for an actual meal, and when we sat down to eat, he revealed the reason for his odd behavior: a debilitating medical condition. Honestly, the pea-sized, Grinch-like heart of mine wondered if maybe this was a little much for me to handle (or if maybe he was making it up since he was leaving so soon). However, regardless of any of the above, if you don’t want to freak a girl out, don’t text her “I’m so glad you are real,” after your first date — and definitely don’t tell her you don’t like tantuni.
The date: 3/5. After an uneasy half-hour, the date ended up being pretty good. We talked and I learned a lot about Ethan Hawke’s health issues and wildly different experience of Istanbul.
The spot: 5/5. For a first date, definitely not. But taking any ferry to Kadıköy right at sunset is going to be magical – perhaps the most perfect of activities to do with a visiting boyfriend/girlfriend or a short-term lil’ somethin-somethin.
Other çay spots: Anywhere. Yabangee has a list of nice çay bahçes.
Date 6: Türk Kahvesi @Mandabatmaz with Z
So I cheated. I couldn’t bear going on another online date and having more conversations wherein you talk about how you hate “getting-to-know-you conversations” and then have them anyway. And as it turns out, me and Z had already hit up my Turkish coffee date spot over at Mandabatmaz as part of Date 1. Like I said before, Z and I had more lovely DMC (that’s short for “deep and meaningful conversation” for those of you who didn’t go to high school with me). We waxed on about feminism, work-life balance and traveling in the Balkans, and ignored the fact that we were in the worst date spot ever. I’d heard a lot of recommendations for this cute little 5-seater Turkish coffee shop — apparently the owner is obsessive about his coffee-making technique. But I found the drink to be too gritty, the place not particularly cozy and all the couples around me to be in various stages of breaking up (ok, so the last one isn’t the fault of the café). I performed my only decent party trick by telling Z’s unfortunate fortune in the coffee grounds, then we parted ways.
The date: 2/5. Things were more interesting when we first met, and I found it kinda foreboding that he agreed with so much of his fortune (the story in the grounds was a bit of a downer).
The spot: 1/5. This place mostly has young almost-hipsters throwing back cups of Turkish tea and coffee while chatting outside before heading to the bars. The inside is not much better, since it’s full of whiny couples (like myself) who didn’t want to stand in the cold outdoors.
Other Turkish coffee spots: Okkalı, Mimar Sinan Café,
So here’s what I’ve learned: OKCupid in Istanbul sucks. Not only is the pool of people on there smaller than you think (a bunch of girls e-mailed, Facebooked, or personally told me that they’d gone on dates with almost all of the same guys I had), most of the people who contact you via the website have no idea how to talk to or respect women. Maybe it’s because I wasn’t really in search of anything specific, but sometimes I was more excited about the drinks than I was about the dudes I was meeting. The lowdown: If you know what you want (i.e. a relationship or a hookup), then you can probably find it if you’re clear about your intentions. Also, if you find inappropriate men hilarious, there is potential for great laughs (great great great laughs).
Tas Anjarwalla is a contributor to Yabangee.
Tas, you are amazing, hilarious and brave. Great article 🙂