When we first brought our daughter home from the hospital she was fast asleep in her car carrier. We were home, she was asleep. We had no idea what to do, our lives were changed, yet there was nothing to do… yet. We set the carrier down on the floor in front of us as we sat on the couch, staring at her and then at each other.
Reality sank in, we had a baby, she’s ours and here we are at home, alone without the help of a doctor or nurse should anything happen. What right did we have to bring home a baby?! I mean really, we took no tests, no qualifications, no home inspections, bam, here’s your baby; feed her, nurture her, teach her and train her to become a healthy, happy and productive asset to the human race.
I had changed one diaper in my life, my niece Emma, who was not pleased with my rate of speed and screamed the whole time while big sister Kaylah told me I was pretty bad at it and decided she’d take over all future diaper changes. Towards the end of my pregnancy I confessed this to my husband, his response, “That’s one more than me”, he saw my expression and followed with, “We’ll learn as we go”.
I took prenatal yoga, birth prep classes that focused on labor and delivery, but not Baby Care 101. My family was in the USA on the other side of the world, my in-laws spend the summer in Bodrum and we were on our own… with Dr. Google.
What everyone tells you really is true, eventually you find your way, you learn cues, you improvise and you all survive.
The biggest advice I can offer from my humble perspective is to find support, even if it’s just an online Mom group on Facebook. It’s amazing how you can feel a sense of closeness and comradely from strangers and how supportive moms are of each other. The sisterhood I always dreamed I found in the Mom tribe. Someone checking in on you even electronically can feel like magic when you’re doubting yourself as a new mom alone with a baby when dad is back at work.
Eventually, if you’re lucky you get to meet these moms in person and they are some of the most beautiful women you’ve ever encountered. Slowly you start to venture out for coffee or lunch or to meet at a park. Even if your baby just sleeps the whole time because they are only 2 months old, go! Have the chats with more experienced moms, share your thoughts with moms-to-be, laugh, enjoy the conversation and ability to exhale a little deeper.
As your baby gets older they still may not be ready to interact with other kids, but this is also for you, so go. One day your little one will start to interact with these new friends, there will be birthday parties and camaraderie you couldn’t imagine that first day when you were staring at that little baby wondering how you were going to give her everything she’d ever need.
There are Facebook groups for moms in Istanbul, some for different neighborhoods so you can reach out to socialize off line. There are playgroups and wonderful baby/toddler classes to try. Some you may not enjoy, some your little one may not enjoy, but try them anyways, you will learn and grow together.
My daughter loves the kinder music types classes and different sensory crafts and activities. Sometimes she wouldn’t participate, just observe and I’d think that she didn’t love it, but then at home she’d want me to sing the songs and would motion along to itsy-bitsy spider. I learned that she may be shy to participate but that she was definitely enjoying and I could recreate the things she loved at home together.
In many neighbourhoods, including Bağdat Caddesi at the Asian side where I live, there are the commercial options such as My Gym and Gymboree that you can try, but there are also many privately run options such as the English playgroup that opened last fall by the ever lovely Meli Tan. She grew up in England and moved here with her husband and baby deciding to create a special place for little ones like her daughter. The groups are intimate with five participants plus her daughter, who of course is happy to help new participants get acclimated. There is a lovely garden and of course different class offerings on different days (music on Mondays and crafts on Wednesdays) as well as other offerings and free play.
If you’re on a budget or don’t want to go to formal classes just find some courage to say hi to another Mom at the park, you may just find a kindred spirit. Istanbul is full of wonderful parks and a seaside beauty that is hard to beat anywhere in the world. Your child will love the fresh air, chasing seagulls and playing outdoors! Take advantage of it all and the mild winters; get out there and enjoy!
Some of my favorites:
Göztepe Park: Bonus points for the splash area on the hot summer days.
Caddebostan seaside: Many playgrounds along the coast to choose from, but behind the Migros area there is also a water/splash area next to the playground.
Emaar Mall: An indoor play area for those cold rainy days and an amazing aquarium. If you live nearby I recommend the aquarium’s annual pass so you can always pop in and say hello to the fish, our daughter never gets tired of visiting aquariums.
Kalamış Park: large and beautiful
Moda Park: is next to a tea garden and not too far from Starbucks if you’re an addict like me, just beware as this is a sand lot there can be buried treasures from the neighborhood street cats to avoid.
The Turkish culture loves babies, so there’s no reason to hide at home just because things can get messy outside the comforts of your walls. Getting messy is part of the process, you learn, you adapt and you progress, so go out and see what adventures you can have with your little one!
